BROKEN HEARTS CAN HEAL


I
am poor, I can’t woo her
Dear Kemi,
I am 30, in love with a 28-year-old lady, who also works in
the same office with me. She earns more than me and I find it difficult to
approach her for an affair due to this. Though I have resigned from the
company, we were quite friendly before I left and she also told me of a man she
was dating. According to her, she is not too serious with him but I am scared
talking to her. What do I do?
F.M
Lagos
Nothing
should scare a man from walking up to any woman to ask her out as long as he is
confident of his potential. Already, she has given you a go-ahead when she said
she is not too serious with her current date. Let her know how you feel about
her and you will be surprised she has been waiting for you to talk.
Help,
I can’t get pregnant
Dear Kemi,
I have been married for three years but no children yet. My
husband married me because his first wife could not bear him children. But
since then, I have been pregnant and had three miscarriages. What could be
responsible for this? I am tired and getting worried.
L.P
Ibadan
For him
to have left his first wife and married you, it is obvious he desperately needs
children, so I could imagine the tension in your home due to these
miscarriages. On your part too, you have allowed fear, anxiety and a bit of
desperation to set in. Anxiety is one of the major causes of fetal miscarriage.
Relax! Don’t torture your mind with the thought that ‘someone is somewhere
using diabolical means to stop your fertility.’ Moreover, get a good
gynecologist, who will help monitor you and proffer advice whenever you get
pregnant again. Lastly, there is the need to help your husband relax. He should
know that he will have children when he is at peace with himself and God.
Encourage him and help ease undue tension before he takes off to another woman
in his bid to have children.
Can
I marry him?
Dear Kemi,
I am 33 years old, still single but searching desperately
because my younger sisters are all married. The problem is this man I am
dating. He is asking for my hand in marriage but I don’t love him! He always
asks for sex on the phone, he is an alcoholic, he depends on me for clothes and
recharge cards and he talks as if he lacks sense. He asked my father to pick a
date for our formal introduction but I stopped it because I don’t know him enough.
His brother, who was my school-mate, was the one who introduced him to me.
Though my parents are helping me concerning this issue, I am fast losing my
sense over it. What do I do?
H.U
Ibadan
That
you are desperately searching should never make you pick just anybody.
Fortunately, he has exhibited all that could make you refuse his marriage
proposal. You are so lucky that he did not pretend; neither did he hide his true
personality from you. You need not to be told to leave him, or do you?  I don’t even see the reason why you should
become so desperate for marriage just because your sisters are married. If you
bow to societal pressure on marriage, you will make a wrong choice, which is
one of the life’s greatest mistakes. Take your time to search well, pray to get
a sincere and committed man and never marry anyone you don’t love!
Her
mother hates me
Dear Kemi,
I am 32 and date a 23-year-old lady. I love her dearly and
even plan marrying her but her mother is complaining about the age difference
and even my tribe. Please help me, I am so totally confused.
P.I
Jos,
Plateau State
There
is no need for confusion because you can easily approach this older woman and
explain to her why you want to marry her daughter. That you don’t speak the
same language with them does not make you less human. Obviously, the difference
in age is trivial and I know if you work well on the mother’s psyche, she will
see you as the best man on earth. Take your time in doing this, instead of
being confused.
She
wants to ruin my home
Dear Kemi,
I have been married for eight years with a child. Last year,
I discovered that my husband was dating one of his former secretaries. When I
tried making him see the danger to our marriage and future, he was sorry for
what he did and asked for forgiveness. I have discovered also that this lady
cannot do without calling him or going to his office daily. What should I do?
M.M
Lagos.
The
solution lies with your husband— he should let go of her finally! I cannot
advise that you go to the office and confront her (that is shameful and could
lead to embarrassment) neither will I say that you talk to her on the phone
(she will abuse you) your husband stoked the fire, so he should put it off. He
knows what to do that will stop the girl from coming to his office daily or
calling him on the phone. You have succeeded in making him know the dangers
inherent in extra-marital affairs, so take a step further and advise that he
stops the girl from ruining his marriage. Mind you, never fight or quarrel with
him over this, be gentle but firm in your approach.
I caught him with another woman
Dear Kemi,
I am a 28-year-old lady and I am having an affair with a 44-year-old
divorcee who has five kids from two women. Though he is nice and easy-going, he
cheated on me two years ago when my sister and I caught him with a girl in his
bedroom! I have not been able to forgive him or forget about this incident
despite the fact that he has been faithful to me since then. Moreover, my
mother is putting lots of pressure on me to get married and this man is not
ready for marriage but he has shown interest that he would marry me someday.
What do I do because I am almost losing my mind?
E.S
Ibadan.
If at
44 years he is not ready for marriage, maybe you have to wait till he is 60 or
70 before he walks down the aisle with you. You said he will marry you someday,
what date/time/year did he indicate? You said he has been faithful to you but
he was caught with another girl. I still sense that he could be discreetly
cheating on you and may not be ready for marriage. Already, he has five kids
from two women and he could be satisfied sleeping with other single girls till
he feels his home needs a woman. Investigate more on this man, ask your mother
to give you time and I don’t think anything is worth losing one’s mind for,
especially not in your kind of relationship.
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