BROKEN HEARTS CAN HEAL


My girlfriend loses her
virginity to another man!

Dear Kemi,
I dated a girl for
about two years but all of a sudden, she changed her behaivour towards me.
Whenever I asked what went wrong, she had excuses. I discovered she was no
longer interested and I left her alone. Initially, she told me she was a virgin
and we decided not have sex. She even promised me that if I don’t meet her as a
virgin I should do anything to her. Now, she wants me back and she told me she
has lost her virginity to a man she dated after me. When I heard this, I was
very sad but she asked for forgiveness. Though I still love her, I do not know
if she will be faithful again.
F.F,
Lagos.
 Being
faithful to a partner could also be sacrificial. If this lady could not
sacrifice the pleasure of another man’s flesh for you, then, she is not worth
your love. When a partner who claims to be a virgin brazenly sleeps with
another guy, then these is the message—go to blazes! She must have been
disappointed by that other guy and returned to you, knowing you would forgive
her. I’m sure she would go to that guy again, if he appears on the scene. She
could even get another lover and leave you at her convenience. I advise that
you forgive her but don’t think of anything serious with her.

I slept with two sisters

Dear Kemi,
I am 27 years and I
have fallen in love with two sisters. I have already had sex with both of them
but the younger one later discovered, asking me to make a choice between the
two. Though I chose the younger sister, the elder still calls me. What do I do?
O.S
Lagos
You are playing with fire! That you decided to fall in love with
two sisters and even slept with them is not a responsible act. You were out to
experiment but got your fingers burnt. I don’t believe you are in love with any
of them, even if you are, I still sense trouble lurking somewhere for you. If I
were you, I’d drop this idea of dating blood. You could end up in a big mess
between these girls.
She
is too stubborn
Dear Kemi,
I was dating a girl I loved and she also loved me. I
have had serious dreams about her being my soul mate but there are some
dangerous dreams which meant she is not mine. Recently, she picked up a quarrel
with me and I don’t even know the reasons for it. She is proving tough to come
back, how do I get her back? Should I still plan marrying her?
O.P
Aba
What
do you think could be responsible for her actions? Why don’t you give her time
to get over what annoyed her? Ignore her for some weeks and see her reaction.
On the other hand, I think she could be involved with another man and picked up
the quarrel to get you off her back. Don’t be surprised if she comes back to
you again
.
She calls me ‘uncle’
Dear
Kemi,
I
am 32, employed and in love with a 20-year-old lady. I really want to marry her
and I believe she loves me too despite the fact that we are not dating. We are
just friends and she addresses me as ‘uncle’. Am I too old for her? How will
she receive my intentions whenever I approach her?
O.V
Lagos
As long as you don’t share blood
ties as a family, I don’t see why you should be scared of approaching this lady.
Meanwhile, you have observed some level of likeness from her and I think that
is enough to make you hit the nail while it’s hot. You should devise a good way
of making your intentions known to her before she gets distracted by some other
guys. Addressing you as ‘uncle’ is a sign of respect and that would change
immediately an intimate affair kicks off.
Help, my husband womanises a
lot!
Dear
Kemi,
I
am 32, my husband is 45 and we got married six years ago. I am employed and at
the same time a student. The problem is that my husband womanises a lot! Currently,
he is said to have over six girlfriends. Whenever I ask him about the girls, he
gets angry but I have chosen to keep my eyes on him. He has become so selfish,
shops for himself alone and whenever I want some money from him, he refuses
giving me despite his fat salary. My love for him dwindles daily and I am
thinking of leaving him.
M.L
Ogun state
Handling a womanising spouse could
be difficult and if care is not taken, you tend to hate him or even feel like
quitting. But how does a wife help her husband? First, stop nagging concerning
those girlfriends and never refer to them in any conversation at home. If
possible, let him feel that you don’t know about his infidelity but constantly
let him know that HIV/AIDS and other Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) exist
and how a philandering man can contract them. It also requires lots of patience
especially in a marriage which has produced children. That he is selfish is due
to his ‘hangers on’ and he believes the woman at home can make do with
anything, even if it takes using her money to cook for him! Don’t stop asking
him to perform his responsibilities and if possible, let his parents (yours
too) know what is happening. They can talk to him for a positive change.
I have bad in-laws
Dear
Kemi,
I
am married to a 33-year-old man but not had the formal wedding yet due to some
spiritual instructions. There is this younger brother of his, a 30- year- old, jobless
graduate of five years. Whenever he gets a job, he complains about the meager
salary or distance and would prefer to stay at home to sleep, eat and chat with
friends. To other members of the family, his lifestyle is normal. Whenever I am
given money to cook or go to the market, he grumbles and nags.  He even says that I have no right to cook in
that house! Recently, without his brother’s consent, he went ahead to bring
their nephew to live with us. He even takes some of the foodstuff to his
sisters. Whenever I complain to my husband, he says we should pray that his
brother gets a job and leaves our home. What do I do?
P.L,
Abuja
 Your husband had said it all—pray he gets a
job so that he leaves. Obviously, this young man is petty and ready to do
everything to frustrate you out of his brother’s life. If I were you, I would
leave him to his folly and allow him play all his cards and get tired. When he
sees that no one is interested in fighting/quarrelling, he mellows down and
thinks of his future because his friends will start getting married and those
with jobs will drop him for more serious people. Continue to ignore his moves
or his naggings and be happy in your home. You need patience for in-laws of his
kind.
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