Broken Hearts Can Heal


Dear Kemi,
My
wife is adulterous
I am 38, married for 17 years with
three children. I am always travelling due to the nature of my job. But I
observed that my wife is sleeping with another man and I have the details with
me. Her relatives are aware of this and everyone is begging me to forgive her.
I find this difficult to do because I am always unhappy anytime I remember,
though I still love her.
O.P
Abuja
I
have seen men/women seeking divorces just because their spouses told a lie.
Some murdered spouses due to infidelity and I have seen marriages waxed
stronger after settling a case of adultery. I mean your personality determines
the success/break-up of your relationship. Can you still love her despite the
fact that she has slept with another man? If your answer is yes, then you go
ahead, love her and shake off any feeling of unhappiness whenever the thought
occurs to you. If on the other hand you are not comfortable with the thought
and you get filled up with bile anytime you see her or remember another man slept
with her, I think you have to let go of her. But you have said you still love
her and considering the fact that you both married as young adults, I believe
you can still work things out in your marriage and dedicate more time to it.
Who knows? Your constant travels could have made her strayed to another man’s
arms. Though not an excuse for infidelity, you must carve out time to be with
your family.
If
she does not leave my husband…
I am 25 years, married with one
daughter. There was a girl who was my school mates in the secondary school and
I never knew that she was having an affair with my husband. Then, whenever I
saw her in his house, I thought she was having an affair with my
brother-in-law. But she is still seeing him and I don’t know what to do because
I love my husband.
M.L,
Lagos
Then
let that love propel you to tell him what you have observed and why he has to
stop seeing the girl. I know that he will deny this but be very clever with
him. Then, I think that it’s high time you discussed it with one of his family
members, especially that brother-in-law of yours, who you actually thought was
dating the girl. I am sure that he and his brother will act fast when they know
about your discovery. If their mother is alive and you have a cordial
relationship with her, then approach her about this and she can help send the
girl away. That can only be possible if she does not support her son to be a
polygamist.
Dear Kemi,
I don’t
love my husband
I lost contact with the only man I ever
loved all my life and now we have found each other. Unfortunately, we are both
married but we are still in love with each other. What do I do to remove the
feeling I have for him? I have never felt this way about a man, not even my
husband.
E.S
Abuja
Can
love be ‘removed’? Yes, it can be completely deleted from your mind when you
are determined. Do I need to tell you that if you don’t stop seeing him, that
love will not be ‘removed’? You are both married and this should act as a
barrier to igniting old flame. Do you know that if you start any affair with
him again you could both lose your homes after which you discover that you
don’t really feel ‘this way about him’ but mere infatuation? I think you should
avoid him, hold on to your marriage and do all you could to ‘feel this way’
about your husband. You have so much at stake in your marriage—raising godly
children, sharing their glorious moments, your career breakthroughs, and a
solid companionship in old age. A fling with an old flame could be a
stumbling-block.
Dear Kemi,
He
has too many women
I am dating a man who
claims to love me but he womanizes a lot. He is a flirt and even dates two
women—both young and old— on my street. Meanwhile, in his home town, he is
dating a lady and I heard he plans marrying her. He does not want to see me
with any man and if he does, he would threaten to kill me. Now, I have told him
that I am no longer interested but he would not let me go.
K.K,
Ibadan
I still don’t believe that some women
could be in love and remain blind. He is a chronic skirt-chaser and you are not
married to him, so what stops you from taking a walk from such a relationship?
That he is begging you to hold on to the relationship is part of his selfish
schemes to eat his cake and have it. What if he ends up with the woman in his
village, what will you do when the deed has been done? Though you have not
indicated your age, I assume that you are no longer growing younger and there
is need for you to have a re-think on what you want in life and strategies of
walking out on a selfish man, who also wants to waste your life, without
looking back.
Dear Kemi,
My parents want me married!
I am 31
years and dating a man who loves me dearly. Lately, I have been facing stress
from my family who want me to be married. This guy has not proposed yet. What
do I do?
L.O,
Lagos
Let them know you cannot
force a man to marry you if he has not proposed. Meanwhile, don’t rush things
with this guy so that he does not see you as being desperate and he now runs
away. If he loves you and you have the qualities he desires in a woman, he will
propose to you. Till then, be of good behaviour and don’t allow that pressure
from home get you agitated. Such pressures can be overcome with patience and
lots of prayers.
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