This lady betrayed me
Dear Kemi,
I had lived with a lady for three years. She
lost her father during the time we started the relationship and I catered for
her needs. Even her mother knew about our affair and I was always giving her
money, clothes and foodstuffs too. Since we lived off campus, she packed all
her things back home after graduation. I discovered she was having an affair
with a man. When I asked her mother, she feigned ignorance. My girlfriend
refused telling me the truth but I knew she had gone for abortion more than six
times! I am not sure if those pregnancies aborted were mine or not. I have not
seen her for over two months, neither did she call me. I don’t know anything
about her again. We are both waiting for our national youth service posting.
What do I do?
Oyo State
You lived together for three years and should have expected some
unwanted pregnancies and abortions. You have been a true friend and lover to
this girl, even her mother. It is a pity you were discarded like a piece of rag
but the best way to overcome this wrongdoing is to see them as human beings who
can do anything. Moreover, I think you should make a call to her and discuss
whatever hurts you have suffered. I am sure you will be able to decipher what
went wrong and if you are still in love with each other, nothing stops you from
starting all over again. To err is human and to forgive is divine. But if the
girl has lost any feeling for you, the relationship could hit the rock.
I want to die!
Dear Kemi,
I have been married for four years and I have a
daughter.  Recently, I discovered that my
husband is dating a girl, who also lives in our compound. When I asked him, he
could not deny it. Please advise me before I commit suicide.
If you commit suicide, then you have made an automatic entry for
the girl into your home. Have you thought of your daughter? Since your husband
has not denied it, I think you should not make a noise of the matter. Simply
talk to your husband. Let him see the negative side of having an illicit affair
in your vicinity— disrespect from neighbours, looming trouble from either the
girl or her family, and then, your safety. I am sure your conduct is what will
determine the actions he will take. Don’t go to that girl, never fight with her
or abuse her because she could disgrace you.
My old husband is a womaniser
Dear Kemi,
My husband of many years is a womaniser.
Recently, I discovered his sexual escapades to my consternation. We are both of
the learned profession and we are grandparents. Am I to stop having sex with
him in view of the recent knowledge of his multiple partnerships? I am still
very sexually active but afraid of sexually transmitted diseases.
It is spiritually and socially unacceptable for a partner to deny
the other of sex as long as they are married. Why not consult your family
doctor and talk to him about your fears? He should be able to talk to your
husband and let him realise the dangers of a grandfather hopping from one girl
to the other. Don’t trade accusations now I think you have to introduce the use
of condoms for a while.
 The baby isn’t mine
Dear Kemi,
I have been dating a lady for the past three years and she never had any
guy except me. We had a misunderstanding that lasted for a month.  Though we settled it, she later told me that
she was pregnant and was three weeks gone! Meanwhile, I understood that during
the break in our affair, she was dating an Igbo man, who rejected the
pregnancy. Moreover, I was told that my girlfriend discovered that the other man
had a son and another woman was carrying a five-month-old pregnancy for him, so
she decided to thrust the pregnancy on me. Now she wants to come back to me and
I still love her. What do I do?
I am not clear on this but the decision is yours to
make. Does she want you to claim paternity or has she aborted the pregnancy and
wants to return to you? I don’t know what to suggest because you have already
said you were the only man in her life for three years If she was so in love
with you, a month break is too short to hop into another relationship So, when
and how did she meet the Igbo lover? Mind you, if the Igbo lover did not have
all these minuses, she would not have returned to you. Don’t you think she
wants you as an alternative until she finds someone else? The ball is in your
She’s a single
mother but…
Dear Kemi,
I am 31 years old and into relationship with a 21-year-old
lady. I love her and we planned getting married. But she told me that she
already had a baby boy for another man, who she was never married to. Now,
people are advising me not to marry her because of her son. I love her and
don’t know what to do.
If you
had a son outside marriage and a girl refuses to marry you due to this, how
would you feel? If you love her and believe she would make a good wife for you,
what stops you from marrying her? If I were you, I would tell those people that
I want to marry the woman I love, even if she has 100 children!  To fall in love is also to accept flaws,
share joy, sorrows and even be a pillar of support in times of need. She needs
your encouragement now, don’t let her down.