Dear Kemi,
He asks for
permit to be unfaithful
My boyfriend is used to
having sex in his previous relationships and I am a virgin. I told him that I want
to remain a virgin till I get married but he has been putting pressure on me
for sex. Now, he is asking that I permit him to have sex with his ex-girlfriend
since I would not have sex with him. What do I do?
KEMI replies:
Really, I would not know what to say in a situation
like this but I think the guy is not too sincere with you. A relationship is
not just about sex and if he claims to love you, he should abide with your rule
and not run to his former girlfriend for sex. You have to be careful about this
guy and if you desire peace, withdraw from this relationship. 
Dear Kemi,
I love older women
I am 28, cute and I am fun to be
with. I associate well with women of every age but my problem is I have never been
attracted to a girl my age. With me, the lady has to be older than me. Mind
you, this is not about fun or for material gains, I am just attracted to older
women. How can I cure myself of this disease? I’m tired of hiding in the closet
because I grow older everyday and I would have to start thinking of settling
down. Do I have to get married to a woman I am not attracted to just because I
need to conform to societal norms? I am just so confused.
Kemi replies:
It has not been specified anywhere that a man must be
older than a woman before they get married, so why cause yourself sorrow of
heart and hide in closets? Having an affair with someone is being comfortable
emotionally and physically together. How old are the women you get attracted
to? Old enough to be your mother? Or is it that they are two/three years older?
Or are they married and want you as a gigolo? Since you have indicated that it
is not for material gains, I think you can go ahead and date whoever pleases
you and as long as she is single.


Dear Kemi,
She deceives me

  I am a
guy of 25 years and dating a girl of same age. We have been on for four months
now and when met I her, she told me about someone in her life but that he does
not care about her. Now, anytime this girl wanted to receive a phone call
whenever I am around, she would excuse herself. Moreover, whenever she wants to
call me, she would mistakenly call her former boyfriend’s name! I get angry but
she would apologise and tell me that she has called it quit with him. Is she
deceiving me? I love her and can’t let go.
Kemi replies:
That she
calls her supposed ex-boyfriend’s name instead of you shows that they still see
each other. You can’t mistakenly call someone you have not seen for four
months! Since you have concluded that you are not ready let go, maybe I should
advise that you continue with her and learn to absorb whatever mistakes she
commits. This was not once but several times. Try and investigate well on this
issue before your love for her grows deeper than this.

Dear Kemi,
 A woman defrauds me

I am in my early 30s and work with one
of the security agencies.  I’m also schooling part-time.
I came across my former girlfriend two years
after we separated. She is now married with a baby boy. We became friends again but it’s
platonic. She claimed to be a traveller and her husband, a banker. There was a
time she borrowed N50, 000 from me with a promise to pay the following week.
Initially, I didn’t agree but she pleaded that I help her. I went ahead and
took a loan from my boss. I handed it over to her and made her realise that I
borrowed it from my boss. That was February and up till date, she has not
refunded the money. Now, it takes time before she picks my calls. The last time
I was in her shop, she was full of senseless excuses.  She was not
remorseful and I really want to teach her a lesson.  I have every gadget to do this so that others
can learn from her. I see her as a fraud!



Kemi replies:
what lessons do you want to teach another man’s wife? Beat her? Arrest her?
Report to her husband? Or fight with her in her shop? She could accuse you of
rape and if you dare go to her husband, she could tell him that you made passes
at her and she did not respond. The husband could even get you arrested despite
the fact that you work with a security agency. Why not ignore her and seek how
to pay your boss back? I think she used you to get what she wanted. Obviously,
she is heartless and is prepared for whatever action you will take. There is
nothing you will do now that your fingers will not be burnt.