My wife
is seeing another man
Dear Kemi,
After having a fantastic courtship, I got married to my wife
and vowed to live the rest of my life with her. Shortly after our marriage, our
bed was abandoned and even my food. My advice and warning were not heeded and I
became disenchanted. I decided taking time off the home and on my return,
hoping that she would have learnt some lessons; I discovered that she was
having a relationship! I begged her to reveal her lover so that I would tell
him to stop seeing my wife, but she never did; rather, she left for work and
never returned. Her excuse was her busy schedule. We have a child and my vows
are still intact and I don’t want a break in my marriage.


Before taking time off your home, did you contact her
parents or family members to intervene? Obviously, she did not learn anything
from your ‘leave’. Who knows, she could have done this to ‘teach you a lesson’
too! In marriage, two wrongs never make a right and it’s very important to nip
issues in the mud before it escalates beyond repairs. Forget the fact that she
would reveal the lover. Even if you know him, that would not solve the problem.
The main issue is getting your wife back. This may not be an easy task because
when a woman resorts to getting a lover outside her marriage, curbing her is
Herculean, especially if it has reached the level of abandoning the matrimonial
bed. You can still contact family members and your spiritual clerics for
intervention. It’s not too late for that.
She is
after my money
Dear Kemi,
I met a lady recently and we started dating. I am deeply in
love with her but I doubt if she loves me. This is because she does not call or
send me text messages. But she would send text messages whenever I send her
money or buy phone cards for her. Does she love me or am I dating the wrong
This is
simple reasoning— the girl is after your purse and does not love you! When you
are in love with someone, you want to be with him always and if that is not
possible, you get in touch constantly on the phone and other means of
communication. A girl who would not spend N10 to send a text message on phone
would not release her heart to love you. Start working on your heart and stop
loving such a girl because she would soon dump you.
cannot forgive my husband
Dear Kemi,
I have been married for two and a half years with two kids.
Some few months ago, my husband slapped me in public and I don’t know why he
did that. I have tried to forgive him but it is so hard for me and I can’t even
forget because he did not apologise. Recently, I saw a message on his phone to
a lady and he was professing his love for her. Really, I don’t understand what
is happening, what do I do?
is a covenant, where two people vow to love each other in spite of all odds
till death separate them. It is also the co-habiting of two forgivers, who have
learnt to live with their likes/dislikes and personality traits. By now, you
should know the elastic limit of your husband’s tolerance and know what to do
or say that would not make him hit you either in private or public. I am sure
you are amazed that a once-loving husband could turn out to be a batterer and
womanizer. You have to exercise patience and don’t wait for his apology before
you forgive him. Don’t discuss anything with him until you observe he is in the
best of moods. This is just one of the teething problems in a young marriage.
You have to be patient.
mistook her for a younger lady
Dear Kemi,
I am 38 years, dating a lady I thought was 35 years old. Recently,
I discovered that she was 40!  I have
started plans to marry her. Are there side effects of marrying an older woman
especially in future?
I am
surprised that you never knew her real age before/after dating her. It’s either
you were not interested or that she told a lie. But now that you have
discovered and you really love her and know you can live happily with her, then
the age difference should not stop you from marrying her. You need not announce
to everybody, especially your family on this age issue. Just get married early enough
and start a family fast!
parents hate me
Dear Kemi,
I have been dating this guy for three years but his father
and step-mother don’t like seeing me. There is nothing I do before them that is
good and he would invite other family members to abuse me. Fortunately, the man’s
mother and his siblings like me. There is another guy now who loves me and
wants to date me. What do I do?
is still time for you to retrace your steps and get another guy whose family
will have a cordial relationship with you. How do I mean? No marriage exists
successfully outside the extended family system. As long as that man’s father
is still alive, he will continue making you miserable. If I were you, I would
stick to the new man and make something out of this new relationship instead of
holding on to the one I am always unhappy with.