BROKEN HEARTS CAN HEAL


My wife makes me sad
Dear Kemi,
My marriage is threatened. Last December, my
wife went, first, to Benin and then Abuja to accept a job offer from her
sisters who actively prodded her to buying a car in Benin. They jointly abused
my mother, causing her deep hurt, a sense of betrayal, high Blood Pressure and
death. Even now, exactly a year after, any slight quarrel, however unrelated,
she heaped insults on my late mother and has repeatedly said that she would
never come back to Lagos from Abuja where she is staying with my three sons in
her sister’s house. What do I do?
O.O
Lagos.
Really, I would have loved to hear your wife’s version of this
issue before giving my piece of advice. Matrimonial matters are not to be
judged when the other partner has not been given a fair hearing. Meanwhile, I
believe you should report this case to your family and get a delegation to see
hers too. There should be members of her family who are still sane and would
hear you out.
She says I don’t have a car
Dear Kemi,
I am 32, single, ready for
marriage but no woman yet. There was this girl I was dating and she sent a
message that I was too fat and I had big eyes! But women are telling me that my
eyes are sexy. She said that I didn’t have a car, that she had found a man with
a car and would stretch her legs in the front seat.  This was a girl I paid for her GCE exams,
bought her clothes worth over N30, 000, bought foodstuff and a handset for her
mother in the village whereas my mother does not have. Now, the guy has dumped
her and she came back to me for forgiveness. Moreover, I got another lady, who
told me that her pastor said we could not get married. This was after I paid
her house rent. I have made up my mind that I would not get married.
P.I
Abuja.
You
don’t have to be discouraged because many men have had worse experiences and
they never gave up. Maybe you should put a check on how you easily render help
to any of your dates. Not that you would be stingy but having the eyes of a serpent
and the mind of a dove. Women, especially those who are after your purse, can’t
pretend for long. Meanwhile, it is left to you if you want a lady who trampled
on you, took to another man because of vanity, got hurt in the process and now
made a U-turn to you. She will still run after another man who has what you
don’t have materially. Forgive her but forget about having affair with her.
He is married but wants me pregnant
Dear Kemi,
I am 28, dating a married
man whose wife does not have children for him yet. He wanted me to have kids
for him but I don’t love him. But he does love me and recently, I met a young
man of 35 who wanted my hand in marriage. Now that the married man is
misbehaving and even said he is tired of me, what do I do? I am in love with
the young man or do I let go of him for the married man?
T.O
Abuja.
The
choice remains yours. You would be the one to live under the same roof with
whoever you choose and face the future together. Would the married man love you
if you don’t have kids for him? Is he out to make you a baby machine and what
are the possibilities that he will not run back to his wife if she gets
pregnant? What is the future like in a polygamous home, if you eventually marry
him? What are the advantages of marrying a younger man, starting life together
without strings attached? Is it worth dumping him for a married man? If you are
able to answer these questions, you will make a choice.
I want her body,
money
Dear Kemi,
 I am 26 and a fresh graduate.  I was dating a girl for her money and body
but had no feelings for her. After five months, she has called me that she was
pregnant! I have accepted the baby but unfortunately, my parents insisted that
I must marry her. They have set the date for our introduction. Please help me.
I.L
Ogun State
If
you could date her, sleep with her and spend her money, I don’t see why she
can’t be your wife. You don’t love her? I think that a bird in hand is worth
millions in the bush. If she is submissive, obedient, a good home-maker and
caring, you should allow your heart grow to love her. But you have not given me
reasons why you don’t even love her. For your parents to insist that you marry
her, I think she is a good girl and you should embrace her. Love is like a
plant that grows when being nurtured.
She is not literate
Dear Kemi,
 I am 32, a master’s degree holder,
employed and also an entrepreneur. I am in love with a lady who is a school
certificate holder. She was my former secretary, well-behaved and I promised
her marriage. Recently, she had a spiritual attack that affected her brain. I
have been told that it is acute fever that caused the illness and she is in her
village church now. I visited her last December and she recognised me,
responded to our discussions and cried when I was leaving. She even insisted
following me in the presence of her mother and relatives. I love her but I m confused.
Onye. A
Every
problem is surmountable. The spiritual attack was not a fault of hers and I
believe God will heal her. If you really love her, you will stand by her in
this critical time of her life and pray for her healing. Love is also sharing
joy, grief and every situation together. Whenever she gets healed, you can
marry her. On the difference between your qualification and hers, I don’t see
any stress in that. Let her further her studies and encourage her too.  Every man’s wife is what he makes of
her. 
I want marriage, he wants education
Dear Kemi,
 I am 32, he is 29 and we are in love.  The problem is that he wants to go back to
school and I cannot wait because of my age. What do I do?
K.K,
Ibadan
If
you are both in love, you can make adequate arrangement on how to get married
and not have his education affected.  Why
not sit down, talk and highlight the advantages/disadvantages? If both of you
can cope, then go ahead. Just make sure this arrangement is well spelt out but
if he can’t cope, I am afraid, you have to let go.
She is not of my tribe
Dear Kemi,
I am from Imo State but
dating a Yoruba man. We are really in love but my people are saying that a
Yoruba man will always go back to marry someone from his tribe and be
polygamous. We plan getting married next year. What do I do?
Blessing,
Lagos.
There
are so many insinuations about many tribes that you get confused. You will be
shocked to know that same things are said about your tribe too! But are you in
love with the man or his tribe? If you feel secure with him and he has shown
commitment and a sense of responsibility to the relationship, maybe you have to
convince your family better.
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