Broken Hearts Can Heal


 Dear Kemi,
 I’m a pastor but loves sex!

I am a 40-year-old and my wife is 34 years. We have been
married for about 12 years with three kids. The problem is that she does not
satisfy me sexually and this has made me patronise other women for sex. I am a
pastor but in the last four years, I have had to sleep with two different ladies
to satisfy my sexual urges. My wife’s attitude is bad—she would not cook on time;
she is dirty and never makes any move to ask for sex. She only agrees whenever
she senses that I am angry. I love her but how do I address this issue? I want
to have her in bed every day because I have stopped all extra-marital affairs
since the year began. I had already confessed to her and other co-pastors and I
was forgiven. There are times I want to go back to my old girlfriends due to
loneliness. What do I do? I have reported her to her family members and my
pastors but to no avail. What do I do?
M.I,
Ibadan
As a
pastor, you are supposed to serve as an example in good works which include
taming the flesh. This is an issue you must address physically and spiritually.
If you don’t face your marriage and work things out with your wife, it can
collapse and that will affect your ministry. Carry your wife along in mapping
out the best time for sex because it cannot be convenient for a mother of three
children, who also takes care of the home, to have sex daily. That means you
also have to learn how to curb your sexual urges. You can be more involved in
spiritual activities— prayers, fasting and a thorough study of the word of God—
will help take your mind off sex for a period of time. Lastly, I think your
wife also got some things wrong in her walk with God as a pastor’s wife. The two
of you need a re-alignment with God and his instruction on marriage and sex.
Dear Kemi,
 I
want her by all means!
I am in my 30s and dating a lady who had a baby for me. We have
been together for five years but my mother is against our plans for marriage.
According to my mother, her pastor had revealed that I will die prematurely if
I do. But I love this girl and confused on what to do.
A.Y
Lagos
If I
were you, I would also approach my pastor or a neutral pastor and make enquiries
on what God has in store for me concerning the woman I love and want to marry.
That is when you can really take a decision.
Dear Kemi,
I
can’t speak good English
I am 28 and about to graduate; yet I can’t express myself in
English or write a simple letter. Not that I am not making any effort, but each
time I open my mouth, I make terrible mistakes! It gives me sleepless nights
and I don’t know what my future looks like.
L.L
Lagos
 Then build up your self confidence and discard any feel of inferiority
complex. You can improve on your use of the English language by reading more
educative materials, watching useful TV programmes and going through the
dictionary. Who are your friends? If they are more educated than you, let them
know your problem and speak more of English language to them than your local
dialect. This way, they will correct some of your mistakes and you will improve
daily. You can also get one of your intelligent course-mates to help as a
private teacher and give him a token. Be determined to make a change.
Dear Kemi,
My
husband’s family controls him
I am married to a man, who acts on whatever advice his family
members proffer to him. Unfortunately, the marriage has not produced any child.
I have been to different doctors, yet, no change. Recently, I had a spiritual revelation
that he has a love child due to pressure from his family. I was told it
happened two years ago and he has not set eyes on the child but he sends money
for the upkeep. When I asked him, he threatened killing me. He even said he
would ask his family to throw my things now. What do I do?
O.O
Ibadan
Then,
be as patient. Whenever a man is under such an influence, you don’t nag, fight
or quarrel with him; rather, you exercise patience and don’t put up any act
whenever any of his family members are around. Let them think you are foolish
and stop talking about the love child. What would you have done if they had
compelled him to marry her and allow her live in your home? A woman in a
childless marriage, who still wants to stay with her spouse, does not fight.
Rather, she should try all her best possible to be at peace with her husband
and address her infertility from every angles.
Dear Kemi,
My girlfriend is a flirt
I’m 26 years old, and I date a
lady I love wholeheartedly. Though she is a single mother before I met her,
anytime she offends me, I would beg her and she would threaten to dump me,
after which she comes begging me too. She is promiscuous. Recently, I asked her
about the men in her life and she told me that they haven’t slept with her but
she was just comfortable being with them. I had committed some mistakes in the
past, could my past be haunting me? Imagine my girlfriend saying she likes
someone else but she loves me. Every of her family member knows me very well,
and I give her what I can’t even afford to eat. I am dying.
M.P
Ibadan
Have you taken time to discover how she became a single parent? Or how she
treats men who dated her before you came to her life? These are considerations
before going neck-deep in a relationship, especially, if she is a single
mother. Why suffer because you are in love? You give her what you can’t afford
to eat? That is slavery and I don’t like the way she treats you. How can she
tell you she loves you but likes another guy? I’m sure she is out to suck you
and when she is through, she will dump you! Now, you said you are dying! Why
not opt out before you become her toy? Act fast! This is not a matter of your
past haunting you, let the past be and move ahead.
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