is a womaniser
am 29 and have been married for two years to a 48-year-old man. We have a baby
girl. Initially, I was warned by people around me not to marry this man because
he was said to have been married to four wives and had two daughters. When I
told my friend, she discarded it as words from detractors. By the time I was
pregnant, I realised that he smoked heavily, drank a lot, was on drugs and he womanised.
Whenever I complained to those around me, they would laugh and remind me of
what I was told. There are times he became drunk and beat me up. My family has
not been of help because my parents are late. I lost my mother last year and he
could not give me money to travel and never contributed anything towards the
burial. He has told me to take my baby to the real father and his sister
supported him. Now, I want to leave because he has not paid my bride-price and
could kill me one day.
Since you
just moved in with him and had a baby without proper marriage arrangement, he
would not be bothered about your mother’s death and burial. If you feel strong
about leaving him, please do. A violent man can send his partner to an early
grave.  You can start life all over
again, make arrangement with him on your daughter’s welfare and shun greed.
He is impotent but wants me
I am 23, dating a 25-year-old
man, we are both in love with each other but he never talks about marriage,
neither has he proposed to me. Meanwhile, there is another 41-year-old man, who
wants to marry me. But he is poor, has one of his legs affected by polio and his
hair has turned grey. To crown it all, he is impotent. He loves me dearly and
wants to marry me.  As a matter of fact,
he says he will die if I leave him. What do I do?
Though I sympathise with your older lover, I don’t
think it is wise that you marry him out of pity. Anyone can threaten to die if
he/she is jilted, so don’t be moved by that. 
If you marry him just because of what he said, I perceive a future of
frustration and infidelity because you cannot live with a man who is impotent. Sex
is an integral part of marriage and it should not be ignored. Aside that, there
is need for physical attraction and that is also absent, what with the many
adjectives used to describe him. Be careful and don’t desperately jump into
marriage. At 23, you are still young and many opportunities of better men will still
come your way.
I have sex
with my cousin
I am in my 20s and for 12
years, I have been in a romantic affair with my cousin. Initially, I cried and
fought against this but he said he had made enquiries and that there was no
problem. I have never been comfortable with it but I loved it. Now, I am
staying in his house but he had his lovers too. Anytime he is having sex with
them, I feel jealous and almost have heart attacks. Everybody sees me as his
cousin but I know we are also lovers. He would come to me after his lovers are
gone and have sex.  My problem is I don’t
know how to refuse because I love him. Now, he planned getting married to a
girl and I like her.  Meanwhile, I have
no man to marry me and I am dying slowly with pains in my heart. What should I
do? I can’t go back to my parent’ because I would be asked many questions.
Though the deed had been done, I must say it is wrong
to sleep with one’s cousin. The first step to stop sex with him is to leave his
house, no matter the questions that will be asked. If you could tell and live a
lie for 12 years, then you should know what to answer people on why you
left.  It seems you are so deeply involved
that you don’t have any other man in your life. He is getting married now and I
am sure he will still come back to you whenever his wife denies him of sex or
he wants a change of ‘taste’. Allow your cousin to enjoy his relationship and
make room for a man to locate you for marriage.
scare me
am a man in my late 20s. The first time I fell in love was during my secondary
school days and I cherished the girl so much. We both wished to stay together
forever but things changed when we both left school. She was given admission to
a polytechnic before me and I tried all my best to make the affair stand but
she finally broke up from our three-year-old relationship. Now, I believe ladies
are just the same with my childhood girlfriend and I dislike them. Recently, I
am having emotional feelings towards a girl but I am afraid of what could
happen to me. What if I am disappointed again?
 Forget the past and move on with your life.
How can you hold on to memories of a failed childhood relationship when it is
obvious the girl can’t come back to you? Life is all about ups, downs,
successes, failures, good and evil. Need you dislike all ladies because you
were disappointed by one? Erase the thought of disappointment from your mind
and go for the girl. Being in love is risky but many still gun for it and have
met the right people. All the best!