Why Women Are Envious, Jealous Of Pastors’ Wives—Nike Adeyemi

Married to Sam Adeyemi, Senior Pastor of the Daystar Church Lagos, Nike Adeyemi, who just clocked 50 years lately, reflects on life in the parsonage and how pastors’ wives cope with the challenge of supporting their husbands’ ministries

nike adeyemi in jeans

Would you say that it’s been easier to make a success of your marriage because you are married to a pastor?

I don’t know because when you get married, the success is not determined by the fields you and your spouse are in. I think it’s about two friends coming together and deciding that they want to grow together for life and that is huge. One thing that my husband and I have in common is that we love helping people, though maybe in slightly different ways but many times too, in common ways. I am very hands-on and he is also a giver and has a large heart. That is our weakness and it keeps us growing and keeps our relationship aglow too. We are always talking about people and God knows that it is such joy to help. I am very happy to be married to a pastor.

How did he woo you?

He felt that there was something special about me, and of course, he began to gravitate towards me and we became just friends. At that point, I didn’t even think that he’d become my husband but at some point in time, I knew that there was some serious chemistry going on and God kept telling me to pay attention and that’s likely the person for me. I paid attention and I liked the idea. In those days, it wasn’t a flashy thing to marry a pastor and I was a corps member at that time in Lagos because I deferred my youth service programme by a year. I was a member of the church that he was pastoring. A year and a half after our marriage, we moved out and started Daystar Christian Centre together. I must tell you that marriage is serious work but it has also been fun at the same time serving God with him and now, we are wiser and make out time for ourselves. Sometimes, we are just ‘missing’ and you just don’t see us in church or we are abroad. It’s still part of the ministry, but when we are away, we are not only ministering, we are able to take out time for each other. I can sometimes walk on the streets of a certain city without anybody recognising us and that is bliss for us. Even though we may have ministrations lined up, we have one or two days where we are just all by ourselves, but here in Nigeria, we can hardly walk on the road together or go and watch a movie together. In all, I’d say I’ll do it all over again with him.

How would you describe your husband in three words?

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My husband is independent, he is a firm thinker and very humble/simple.

Are there any differences between his life as a pastor and that of a husband/father?

There isn’t much difference because what you see is what you get. At home, he is still that same simple and firm thinker. It’s just that at home, he is more laid-back while in the ministry, he is more hands-on, so if you don’t know my husband very well, you will think that he has a choleric temperament because he loves knowledge and he must impart and share it. You’ll also think that he is a workaholic. When we got married, he came across as an ambitious man to me, but now, I know better, that he is just passionate about what he does. The children are very free with him and many times, they don’t see him as that pastor high up there because he is very simple and he helps around the house; especially if you ask him to. I also have to allow him to focus more to be able to hear that message or write that sermon. We are always studying at some point in time and I prefer short certification courses and just finished one recently while he is studying for a PhD right now and he’d be finishing this year. The last four years have been very busy and I’ve had to bear with him, tolerate and, sometimes, understand the non-availability of time.

What are some of the misconceptions women who are married to pastors have to deal with?

That’s a huge one. From the little that I know, some people think that your life is all rosy because you are married to a pastor. They think that everything is blissful because pastor makes them laugh on the pulpit. He teaches them so much and they grow spiritually. The misconception is that you are an angel and you should be as angelic as your husband looks on the pulpit. If you have a pulpit ministry, they judge your message and think that it is not as deep as pastor’s own. Others resent the pastor’s wife because they wanted to be in her shoes when the pastor was still single so, the resentment continues. There is also envy and jealousy for no reason and some wives of pastors have also become bitter because they now pay some women back in their own coin. When a woman marries a pastor, people think that she is mature all of a sudden. When I married my husband, we were both 25 years old and he is just two months older than me but we’ve grown together. Other people think that the pastor belongs to the church, while his wife should be at home with the kids or they complain that she doesn’t dress well. Sometimes, I just go and hang out with my friends, so that I can keep my sanity in check and run away from the expectations of some people. That’s why I love social media today because it is a huge platform for me. My word to people who judge pastors’ wives is to let them be.