mother-in-law sleeps in our bed
I graduated at 23, waited
till 29 before I got married because of my husband’s plea. I am now 36, my
husband is 37. We both attended same university, struggled to make ends meet
but I supported him in my little way. Then, his mother was very fond of me and told
me how pleased she was.  But just before
the wedding, she called me and said her son was not ready for marriage. I told
her son and my parents but my mother-in-law-to-be denied and told a lie that
she had always wished her son to be married. At a point, I refused going ahead
with the wedding but my mother insisted. Few days before the wedding, my fiancé
became abusive and his mother called me and told me she was in control of his
heart. After the wedding, I had my first child and he later went to live with
my mother-in-law. She didn’t allow my husband sleep with me. Rather, she would
sleep in my room and asked my husband to go to hers! Relatives, especially my
husband’s uncle, got fed up because my mother-in-law did all these cleverly. We
have two boys now, my husband meets his financial responsibilities but he
abuses me emotionally. I am from a broken home and I dread divorce but I am so
lonely. What do I do?
Ibadan, Oyo State.
This is a case of two women struggling for the heart
of a man.  For a mother-in-law to sleep
in her son’s room when he is married is more than meet the eye. Marriage is
meant to make a man leave his mother/father and cleave to his wife. You are not
going to fight physically with neither your husband nor his mother. It is high
time you turned to your parents and tell them all that happened in your home.
If possible, invite your pastor too. You need not think of a divorce. I believe
with more patience, perseverance and wisdom, you will overcome this hurdle.
Dear Kemi,
He is 20 years older than me
am 25 years old and dating a man of 45 years who is also married. His marriage
is without children and he wants to marry me. But I am afraid of the heat from
my friends and family. What do I do because we are both in love? On the other
hand, I feel that he will abandon me after having a baby for him because he
loves his wife.
If you sense
that he loves his wife to the extent of abandoning you after having a baby for
him, why not let him go? All your claims of loving him and vice versa may
become an issue of sorrow if he dumps you, takes his baby and runs back to his
wife. Moreover, if you are not comfortable with the idea of marrying a man who
is 20 years older than you are, then, let go! Marriage, especially if you are
the other woman, is not as rosy as it seems in courtship. Make hays while your
sun still shines
Dear Kemi,
My wife wearies me
am 42 and been married for 10 years now with three kids.  My problem is that my wife does not respect
me but prefers her family to mine. Any misunderstanding results into fights and
we can live together for a month without talking to each other. I have never
known peace for the past 10 years and her parents have talked to her but no change
from her. I want to divorce her before I lose respect in my family and on the
street which we live. I don’t drink or womanise and I have been sleeping alone
for over one month.
C, H
Something went
wrong somewhere and both of you did not correct it for ten years. Really, I
don’t advise divorce for a couple with kids because the side effect of a broken
home stays longer in the lives of kids than we can imagine. If her parents have
spoken to her and intervened in this matter without any change, what have you
done as a husband? Why not make attempts at addressing the situation by talking
to her instead of keeping malice with her. If you love your kids, then go ahead
and make peace with her, who knows she could be touched by your positive
attitude? Talk to her and see if you can both give the marriage another chance.
Living together is not an easy task but with endurance and tolerance which can
be laced with love, the going becomes easy.
I’m scared to marry him
am a soldier and dating a man, who is also a soldier. He drinks, smokes and
sells his property. When I told him to stop all these, he didn’t and I called
off the affair. He stabbed himself but he didn’t die. We were later reconciled
by his mother. He has proposed to marry me and wants to see my parents by
February 2015. Though he beats women, he has never beaten me and many girls run
after him. What do I do because I am really confused?
I just have
this feeling that your marriage to this man may not work out well. Why? He
seems not ready to drop off those habits. Immediately he becomes your husband,
he could start beating you and sees you like other women running after him. If
after marriage you threatened to leave him, I sense he could stab you and also
injure himself. Can’t you patiently wait for a better guy or you are too
desperate to get married? I have seen many married women who keep asking this
question: ‘Why did I marry him?’ Many wished they had your opportunity of
knowing the real man before saying ‘I do’. Luckily, this guy has shown you his
real self, so take caution and know what you want.
She runs after men
dated a lady for eight years despite the fact that I met her as a prostitute.
She is loving, caring, respectful and hardworking. We agreed getting married in
future but after I was deported from Europe and also lost my job, she called
off the relationship, went back to the hotel and was dating a younger lover.
For two years I was traumatised and almost committed suicide. Now, she has been
calling me and scheming a return but I am afraid of what she did before and
just want her as a friend. I have already forgiven her but I told her no more
romance. What do you think?
A dog will
always go back to its vomit. I am sure the younger guy too lost his means of
livelihood and she needs a greener pasture. Why stress yourself over her? Don’t
make the mistake of dating her again because she would do worse things. Watch
it and steer clear of her.