I Committed Suicide Because She Jilted Me

I have not spoken to anyone about my ordeal but I
sincerely hope your advice will go a long way towards healing me and restoring
back my sanity.
I started dating this lady whom I still love so much in February 2013, few
months before I lost my mum. I was so cautious of the affair at first, knowing
that it was the first time I was getting so emotionally entangled to a lady,
but after I lost my mum, I was so hurt and the fact that she was the only
person very close to me then, I threw caution to the wind and fell helplessly
in love with her, hoping that it would help alleviate the pains of losing my
mum and praying deep inside my heart that the relationship would lead to
marriage. It did, to a reasonable extent, alleviate the pains of losing my mum.
Even while I was in school, I gave her everything that I somehow lived in
deprivation. Her friends were complaining to me that I spend a lot on her and
it might backfire one day. I ignored their advice. I bought her handouts,
clothes, mobile gadgets and even give her certain amount of money on monthly
basis to add up to her feeding money, I made sure she lived above her peers in school.
The whole problem started late 2014, when I was about
leaving for my national youth service. She started acting quite strangely. I
respected her privacy that I didn’t even touch her phones, even though I gave
her the freedom to handle my phones and answer my calls. I noticed she wouldn’t
pick up her calls while with me. Like I said, I respected her privacy that I
never gave so much thoughts to her actions, I loved and gave her my all
believing that she would never cheat on me. Then, on her birthday, I had got
lots of surprising gifts for her and even arranged a little party without her
knowledge. To my greatest surprise, she surfaced at the venue of the party with
the excuse that she was going on an errand for her parents. I handed over to
her the gifts I got for her; she collected them and left the venue. Little did
I know she had gone to see her erstwhile lover. Depression had started creeping
in and I was losing my sanity apparently.
To cut the whole story short, when her girlfriend opened up to me that my girl
was having affairs with someone else, I never believed her at first, but after
I confronted her, then I was looking so sick and pale, completely lost in
thoughts and pains. She eventually opened up and was really sorry to the best
of my knowledge. I couldn’t help the pains, I started taking anti depressants, and
I have already vowed never to cheat in my life, knowing that prosperity has a
way of rewarding fidelity.
After I was mobilized for NYSC, I left for my camp, but the ghost of a failed
relationship was already hunting me, I had lost interest in living. Shortly
after I returned back from orientation camp, everyone knew something was wrong
with me, I only told them that it was the stress from camp. Well, I was
battered emotionally, that on 31st December 2014, I hit the rock button and
decided to end my life and end the pains; I took an overdose of insecticides, collection
of anti depressants and battery acid. I cheated on death as I was in coma for 4
days; I was referred to a psychologist for rehabilitation after I was
discharged on the 12th of January 2015. I spent 6 months in rehabilitation center
in Lagos State, where I was also serving then.
After the whole incident, I made up my mind to forgive her and give her a
second chance since she was really sorry. The whole scenario started replaying
itself, that she started acting strangely again; already my friend had told me
that she was seeing someone else. My family knew I was slipping into depression
again and had wanted to fly me out of the country, but I was denied visa when I
least expected it. I had to leave Enugu for Lagos so as to keep away from her
and the environment. But she still calls me on phone, saying she still loves
me, I truly love her so much. I’m totally lost for words, lost of ideas. I am
terrified to say the least. I am losing my sanity again. Please friends,
depression is getting the better of me at the moment. I need a sincere advice.
Lagos State