Broken hearts can heal


Dear Kemi,
He
wants me to impregnate his wife!
I am an undergraduate and I have a friend, who could not
continue his education but went into business and now very successful. This man
is six years older than me and happily married to a loving woman. He has helped
me financially in and out of my academic career. Lately, he told me of an
accident he had which made him infertile but all his family members are
pointing fingers at the woman that she could not produce children.
Unfortunately, he is an only child of his parents. He said he could not tell
his parents and the wife about his infertility. He is now asking that I help
him impregnate his wife. How would that be possible? I believe if I should tell
his wife, the marriage would crash and my friend doesn’t want to lose his
loving wife. But how do I tell my friend’s wife that I want to help her?
O.P,
Ibadan
Science
has reached a level where a woman can get pregnant without sleeping with a man.
This is called InVitro Fertilization (IVF). Tell your friend to search for one
of the assisted reproductive clinics in Nigeria and allow his wife have an IVF,
at least he is a businessman and can afford a decent way of having babies. Try
and educate him on this and also tell him to reveal his secret to his wife and
stop looking for a man to impregnate her. She need not be traumatised with the
idea of sleeping with another man to have children for her husband. Don’t talk
to her about it.
Dear Kemi,
My wife
doesn’t trust me
 I am 33 and married
to a 26-year-old woman.  She never trusts
me and always says that I am cheating on her. There is no proof to her
accusations and I must confess that I have never been with another woman since
we got married
S.S
Lagos
Many
reasons make a woman feel insecure in a marriage—infertility, hostile family
members, spousal abuse, genuine proofs of infidelity and lots more. Since you
have been faithful to her, you not only talk to her about this, start taking
her out more often  to places you hang
with friends and many family functions. 
She would be happier; less tensed and realise that you are one of the
few best husbands around.
Another
woman has a baby for my husband
I have been married for 11 years but my marriage is
crashing. We don’t have any baby yet and I understood that my husband has a
child out of wedlock and the lady is even expecting her second baby now. I am
confused, what do I do?
W.W.
Aba
Any
woman in your state should remain calm and not attempt to fight her husband or
his family members on this issue. This is not the time to be anxious or get tensed
up because it could affect your hormonal balance. Visit your doctor often and
continue your treatment but make sure your husband knows about it. He has to be
carried along in all the moves you make to getting pregnant. You have to make him
comfortable at home too by not nagging or quarrelling because there is another
‘home’ he could run to and leave you with your challenge. Meanwhile, I think
you should talk about what you have heard about another woman and a child.
My
husband has abandoned me
My husband is in the United Kingdom and I have been living
with my mother-in-law for over 10 years with two children in a room apartment.
I don’t want to relate what I have passed through there. Anytime I asked my
husband for money to get a new apartment, he would not agree but would tell me
to be patient. Unfortunately, I am a housewife with no job and I depend on
whatsoever he sends monthly. He is not ready to do anything for me but he
bought a car for his mother. If I find someone who is ready to do what I need,
do I go for him? Or do I remain patient still?
N.B
Lagos
Obviously,
he dances to his mother’s tune and you would remain in that place if you don’t
take steps. First, you need to start trading and make money on your own. Your
total dependence on ‘tokunbo’ allowance is the cause of your suffering. By the
time you generate income, you are able to rent an apartment and your husband will
know that you are serious. Then, he would be jolted to reality and you can make
request for whatever you want without his mother’s interference. Are you
implying that other men want you and ready to do what your husband has not been
doing? I believe as long as you are married to him, you cannot sleep with
another man. You have been patient for 10 years; don’t allow infidelity chase
you out. If I were you, I would face my business and make a meaning for my life
and that of my kids.
My
wife loves parties
Ten years ago, I got married to a lady, who hid her age from
me. I also discovered that she is the party type but I did everything to make
the marriage work even when it didn’t produce a child. Do I leave or what stay?
Please advise.
A.B
Lagos
I could
imagine your frustrations but I sensed that you never knew her but rushed into
the marriage for reasons best known to the two of you. Among all the steps
taken, did you make her realise that her actions could break the home and cause
a separation and then, divorce? Is she really keen about staying in the
marriage? What are her parents saying concerning this? Do you both have kids
now because you mentioned there was no child in the marriage? You have to think
about all these and know the side effect if you want to take a walk out of the
union. Unfortunately, I am not opportune to speak to your wife because she will
also have her side of the story. But a journey of ten years should have
resolved problems like partying and all sorts of vices.
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