Broken Hearts Can Heal


Dear Kemi,
I’m not sure
she wants me
I
met a girl recently and I noticed that she becomes withdrawn whenever I asked
her to do some things like taking photographs together. Though I did not tell
her of my intentions to befriend her, I believe she knows. There was a time she
humorously told me that she sees me as an elder brother. Her friend once told
me she had feelings for me but I am in doubt. She calls me very often and
according to her, she just wants to hear my voice. I am always thinking of her.
Could it be that I’m infatuated?
A.M,
Kano.
Why not come out and declare your love for her? I am sure
she is waiting for you to express your feelings but you are assuming she knows.
That does not make a man. Never assume any woman loves you until you woo her.
That she refers to you as her elder brother is a way of telling you that you
are old-fashioned.
Dear Kemi,
No car, no girlfriend!
I am 32, single, ready for
marriage but no woman yet. There was this girl I was dating and she sent a
message that I was too fat and I had big eyes! But women are telling me that my
eyes are sexy. She said that I didn’t have a car, that she had found a man with
a car and would stretch her legs in the front seat.  This was a girl I paid for her GCE exams,
bought her clothes worth over N30, 000, bought foodstuff and a handset for her
mother in the village, whereas my mother does not have. Now the man has dumped
her and she came back to me for forgiveness.
Meanwhile,
I got another lady, who told me that her pastor said we could not get married.
This was after I paid her house rent. I have made up my mind that I would not
get married.
K.K,
Lagos
You
don’t have to be discouraged because many men have had worse experiences and
they never gave up. Maybe you should put a check on how you easily render help
to any lady you are dating. Not that you have to be stingy but have the eyes of
a serpent and the mind of a dove. Women, especially those who are after your
purse, can’t pretend for long. Meanwhile, it is left to you if you want a lady
who trampled on your manhood, took to another man because of vanity, got hurt
in the process and now made a U-turn to you. She will still run after another
man who has what you don’t have materially. Forgive her but forget about having
affair with her
.
Dear Kemi,
Do I get pregnant for a married man?
I am 28, dating a married
man whose wife did not have children for him yet. He wanted me to have kids for
him but I really don’t love him. But he does love me and recently, I met a
young man of 35 who wanted my hand in marriage. Now that the married man is
misbehaving and even said he is tired of me, what do I do? I am in love with
the young man or do I let go of him for the married man?
T.O
Abuja.
The
choice remains yours. You would be the one to live under the same roof with
whoever you choose and face the future together. Will the married man love you
if you don’t have kids for him? Is he out to make you a baby machine and what
are the possibilities that he will not run back to his wife if she gets
pregnant? What are the advantages of marrying a younger man, starting life
together without strings attached? Is it worth dumping him for a married man? If
you are able to answer these questions, you will make a choice.
Dear Kemi,
I want to ‘chop’ her money
 I am 26 and a fresh graduate.  I was dating a girl for her money and body
but had no feelings for her. After five months, she has called me that she was
pregnant! I have accepted the baby but unfortunately, my parents insisted that
I marry her. They have set the date for our introduction. Please help me.
Ade,
Lagos.
If
you could date her, sleep with her and spend her money, I don’t see why she
can’t be your wife, now that there is a baby involved. If you are claiming not
to love her, maybe you should tell your parents what you understand by love. If
she is submissive, obedient, a good home-maker and caring, you should allow
your heart grow to love her. On the other hand, you have not given me reasons
why you don’t even love her. For your parents to insist that you marry her, I
think she is a good girl and you should embrace her. Love is like a plant that
grows when nurtured.
Dear Kemi,
She is not of my standard
 I am 32, a Master’s degree holder,
employed and also an entrepreneur. I am in love with a lady who is a school
certificate holder. She was my former secretary, well-behaved and I promised
her marriage. Recently, she had a spiritual attack that affected her brain. I
have been told that it is acute fever that caused the illness and she is in her
village church now. I visited her last December and she recognised me,
responded to our discussions and cried when I was leaving. She even insisted
following me. I love her but I m confused.
O.O
Abia
Every
problem is surmountable. The spiritual attack was not a fault of hers and I
believe God will heal her. If you really love her, you will stand by her in
this critical time of her life and pray for her healing. Love is not all about
sex alone, it is sharing joy, grief and every situation together. Whenever she
gets healed, you can marry her. On the difference between your qualification
and hers, I don’t see any stress in that. Let her further her studies and
encourage her too.  If she is willing and
determined, she can make good of her life. 
Every man’s wife is what he makes of her. 
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