For a lasting union…
There are no guaranteed ingredients for a
lasting marriage. However, couples whose marriages are successful can proffer
advice on how to make it work
lasting marriage. However, couples whose marriages are successful can proffer
advice on how to make it work
Don’t bother
changing your spouse
changing your spouse
In many marriages, the focus is always on how to
change a partner. This is something you can’t control. But when you change the
things you don’t like about yourself, you take charge of your life as well as the
union.
change a partner. This is something you can’t control. But when you change the
things you don’t like about yourself, you take charge of your life as well as the
union.
Israel: We all have an idea that our partners should
be that character in the bible; we see in others or watch in the movies. If this is the focus, our partners will not
meet up and then there will be crises. It took me this long to know that the
best way to approach marriage is through the willingness to love and serve the
other person and not the other way round. You really cannot control how others
love or react to you but you can control how you react to others.”
be that character in the bible; we see in others or watch in the movies. If this is the focus, our partners will not
meet up and then there will be crises. It took me this long to know that the
best way to approach marriage is through the willingness to love and serve the
other person and not the other way round. You really cannot control how others
love or react to you but you can control how you react to others.”
—Israel Abiara, a gospel
artiste/pastor, has been married to Tayo for 12 years
artiste/pastor, has been married to Tayo for 12 years
Give room for
quarrels but…
quarrels but…
When you have times of disagreement, could it
really be a time to grow closer? Or a time to understand more about your
spouse? When you feel your partner is pulling away, maybe it’s an opportunity
to engage him/her in a better way.
really be a time to grow closer? Or a time to understand more about your
spouse? When you feel your partner is pulling away, maybe it’s an opportunity
to engage him/her in a better way.
Tunde: We don’t quarrel but we
disagree. We devised a process, where we don’t use abusive words when we
disagree. There are no shouts and each person makes their point known as if you
are in a boardroom. We normally agree at the end of the day. Our disagreement
has never got out of hands and nobody has seen us quarrel, not even our
children.”
disagree. We devised a process, where we don’t use abusive words when we
disagree. There are no shouts and each person makes their point known as if you
are in a boardroom. We normally agree at the end of the day. Our disagreement
has never got out of hands and nobody has seen us quarrel, not even our
children.”
—Tunde
Obe, a musician, has been married to Wunmi for over 15 years
Obe, a musician, has been married to Wunmi for over 15 years
Run with each
other’s vision
other’s vision
Dreams shared
together before marriage can become successful when both partners give support.
Embrace each other’s vision.
together before marriage can become successful when both partners give support.
Embrace each other’s vision.
Abimbola: We started as friends and shared
each other’s vision. Before we got married, I told her about my political
dreams and that also endeared me to her father because he was a politician. If
there is any problem between us and any of us is angry, by the end of the day,
we would accept our faults and forget about everything.”
each other’s vision. Before we got married, I told her about my political
dreams and that also endeared me to her father because he was a politician. If
there is any problem between us and any of us is angry, by the end of the day,
we would accept our faults and forget about everything.”
—Abimbola Kolade, Oyo
State Commissioner for Lands and Housing, has been married to Sandra for 15 years
State Commissioner for Lands and Housing, has been married to Sandra for 15 years
Grow together
Marriage is about two people growing up and
becoming better humans. Let every level of success/failure be a time of growth.
becoming better humans. Let every level of success/failure be a time of growth.
Zik:
When we got married, she even had to act in my own film and sometimes supported
me by providing costumes. She was there to see to the welfare of the cast and crew.
We were always together even till date. She is a public relations consultant
and still does some things for my company.”
When we got married, she even had to act in my own film and sometimes supported
me by providing costumes. She was there to see to the welfare of the cast and crew.
We were always together even till date. She is a public relations consultant
and still does some things for my company.”
—Zik Zulu-Okafor, Nollywood producer, has
been married to Adora for 15 years
been married to Adora for 15 years
Be
each other’s friends
Being friends with your spouse holds as much
weight as the romantic and physical attraction. According to www.huffingtonpost.com, for a marriage
to last, couples should be each other’s best friends. When sex loses appeal and
physical appearance fades away, friendship will last a lifetime.
Sunday:
We are each other’s friends. If we are not working on the same set, and I feel
she has spent so much time on set or I am missing her, then I can visit to see
my wife. She also comes to locations to visit me when I am working.
We are each other’s friends. If we are not working on the same set, and I feel
she has spent so much time on set or I am missing her, then I can visit to see
my wife. She also comes to locations to visit me when I am working.
—Sunday Adewale, actor/producer, has been married to Toyin
for 21 years
for 21 years
Admit
when you are wrong
when you are wrong
Many fights can be ended once you admit a
wrong instead of stubbornly holding any ground long after you both realise
arguments make no sense.
wrong instead of stubbornly holding any ground long after you both realise
arguments make no sense.
Aimua: We disagree when the time is
right, probably when the kids have gone to bed or when we are alone. We talk
issues over and they are resolved. Sometimes, when he offends me, he buys me
gifts and nobody gets to know.
right, probably when the kids have gone to bed or when we are alone. We talk
issues over and they are resolved. Sometimes, when he offends me, he buys me
gifts and nobody gets to know.
—Aimua Imasuen has been married to Lancelot, Nollywood producer,
for seven years
for seven years