Can I date without sex?
Banji is 25, good-looking, a youth
corps member and in love with Angelina. “I must confess she is the best thing
to happen to me and I have made up my mind to marry her. She is pretty, tall
and very intelligent. I got to know her a few weeks before my graduation. She
is still in school in Abeokuta , Ogun State and I was posted to Jigawa state. I
made sure I visited her once every month and she seemed to enjoy my company.
But I have a problem with her lately when she visited me. I had opted to sleep
on the floor while she slept on the bed but she refused. She wanted us to sleep
together and even have sex! But I refused because I had vowed never to be
involved in pre-marital sex. I tried explaining to her but she could not fathom
what I said and the next day, she left for Abeokuta . Last week, she sent me a
text message that she was quitting! Her reason was not far-fetched- she did not
trust me and believed I didn’t love her enough to sleep with her! Really, I
honour the sanctity of the marital bed and I have always told my friends that I
would not sleep with any girl until marriage. I am a devout Moslem but not a
fanatic. Now, my friends laugh at my folly and this girl actually thinks I am
impotent just because I don’t want sex. I am really confused,” he said.
Agnes, 27 is a lawyer but also a virgin. According to her, three men left her
due to her insistence on no sex. Is she a nun? “Of course not!” she answered.
“I just want to retain my virginity untill my wedding day. Sex, to me, is sacred
and I would not want to sleep with any man before I get married. Those three
men wanted sex and I was not ready to throw away my purity to them because I
sensed they would not marry me.” Will she ‘release’ the virginity to someone
who wants her hand in marriage? “Well, he has to wait till we get married. The
last guy, Bosun, jilted me because he believed I made him suffer. Though he
bought me gifts and was caring, I didn’t see the need to sleep with him. I must
confess that it had not been easy because lately, a new boss was posted to my
office and he is all over me, buys gifts, takes me out and wants to date me.
Unfortunately, he is married and by his actions whenever we are alone, he would
definitely demand for sex. My friends are urging me to date him but I am scared
because of sex. I am even afraid that I will lose more men due to this
Let’s get talking
Sex is an act between two consenting
adults and if any of the partner does it against the will of the other, then it
becomes rape. This argument on pre-marital sex could go on till eternity
because there are a million and one single men and women who believe they must
have sex with whoever they are dating. To many, it is a sign of commitment, of
love and pleasure. Many singles have misconstrued the idea of sex and many
young people believe it’s a show of love. Really, due to many reasons, refusing
pre-marital sex is best for singles. For those who have maintained the stand,
it is kudos but for those struggling to maintain chastity, maybe more
discipline should be imbibed. Often, curiosity pushes one to sex. It starts
with the question: What does he/she have underneath the clothes? For many men,
it is for pleasure and for a few women, it is out of love. But is it possible
to date without sex? That is a question that will be mutually answered by two
persons involved in the affair and not a counsellor.